Closing out this blog came sooner than I anticipated. The number of changes in the past few weeks arrived without sufficient time for me to mentally process, much less blog. However, time has allowed me to settle down, reflect, and write this final blog.
As many of you already knew, finding a permanent job was a long and worrisome task for me. While I was working in Mumbai, I constantly sent out applications for positions all over the United States and other parts of the world. These efforts met with little success, and discouragement and resentment buried themselves in my heart. I frequently camped out in Phillipians 4 and labored to trust God with the anxiety. Although I felt that I did give some of the stress to Him, unfortunately, there were times when the worrying overcame my faith. Despite these things, God used His timing to strengthen my trust in Him, so that next time something like this happens, I can reach closer to a fuller trust that He has control. Further, the timing of the job offer and the type of work I will perform give me the confidence to say that God continues to direct my life. Making the previous statement is deeply edifying to me because of my past reluctance to attribute life-channeling decisions to divine direction… I didn't feel led by God to go to study political science or to go to law school. Sure, I felt led and called to go to IJM, but that is a much easier jump to make than to attribute God's direction to an ordinary job. Nevertheless, the struggles, the circumstances, and the surrender leave me with the sincere conclusion that He's taken the reigns. Unexpectedly, I find comfort and confidence in this system.
So, you may be asking, what am I doing now? I accepted a position as a staff attorney with Legal Aid of East Tennessee in Cleveland, Tennessee (near Chattanooga). I will provide legal representation and assistance to underprivileged persons in a variety of civil matters. For me, this is an ideal position. I get to work with the demographic of people whom I most enjoy, performing functions that help struggling people. Perhaps the most invigorating element is that, on any given day, I will have no idea which person or what kind of problem, will walk in the door seeking my help. The intimidating aspect of it for a green attorney is that I am the only attorney in the office in Cleveland. Regardless, the organization assured me that it will provide regular mentorship from the Chattanooga office. Needless to say, I am excited about working in legal aid. Most of all, I am confident that if I can take on the legal needs of brothel raids in a foreign jurisdiction, I can handle the people and problems that arise much closer to home.
Now that you know I'm home and where I'm headed, I want to take time to reflect on what I left. I reflected to those at the office about what it was like to come to Mumbai. I told them how many overly flattering compliments thrown my way- about how everyone told me how giving I was and about how great a sacrifice I made to go. And then, I told them my realization upon reflection: that my time in India met with much more receiving than giving. It's true that I did contribute substantially to the work in Mumbai, but it is also true that I received more than I gave. I received mentorship in professionalism from an organization that demands it. I received mentorship in spiritual development from those whom God already developed. I received mentorship in humility and servitude from those that choose to offer themselves as living sacrifices. And, I received encouragement from girls that rose out of the darkest, most oppressive brothels. It is difficult for me to imagine that I will ever be surrounded by such a close group of talented, dedicated, intelligent Christians than I had in India. I've written about their passion. I've written about their skill. I've written about their diversity. Still, I am frustrated by the inadequacy of my descriptions. I want you to know that there are inspiring people who perform difficult and dangerous functions every day without thanks. They do the work because they believe in it. In this belief, in this faith, I join them, and find myself sad to leave work with such substance. But, the voices and the stories that encountered me are embedded in my mind, and they cannot be forgotten, as they made an impact on the way that I think and on my very personality. I am not the same.
Finally, I want to close this blog with appreciation. First, to God, who has pronounced his direction for me, the doubter, in tangible fashion. To God, who sustained me and developed me through trials (both meanings of the word). Second, to those who supported me with encouraging emails, calls, money, and prayers- thank you. You were the people that God chose to use to contribute to the work of justice and mercy in Mumbai. You enabled me to go and do. Yet, your enabling offerings invariably left my verbal "thank you's" lingering in gross insufficiency. So, know this: more important than my appreciation for your giving, your giving made a kingdom difference in a distant land that pushed in the direction of God's will- that is a substantial contribution. God bless.
