If I came to this city with any reservations about the amount of work I would be able to do or about the type of contributions I would be able to make, the first two weeks of work alleviated them. I hit the ground running and hammered away at the ever-increasing stack of legal work to be done. Thus far, I arrive early and stay late, in order to get a grip on things more quickly. Fortunately, it hasn't taken long to get acquainted with how the office operates. During this crash course, I frequently enlist the aid of two attorneys, both of whom seem ready and able to bring me up to speed. In these ways, God oversaw my transition and placed His people in my path so that I can be used by Him.
On the point of being used by God, this time feels different. I'm not really sure how to handle it right now. What I mean is that, in the past, the times I felt God using me involved more typical Christian services: serving the poor/needy, encouraging the discouraged, holding brothers accountable, resisting temptation, etc. These required much more Biblical intention than technical skill. This time, however, it is my brain and my work ethic that God is stretching. I find it uncomfortable to know that taking an extra break or missing a crucial holding in a case can mean a delay in God's work. After all, don't I possess authority over my work product? Further, isn't this whole process undeniably adversarial? There is one side we are on and another side they are on, the gray areas still exist, but are minimized. This means when we lose a case, our side loses. Perhaps, I am melodramatic, but I find this kind of service to be stressful. It is encompassing. I ask myself, “What if my legal work is poor, does that prevent God's justice from coming about?” Or, "What if someone else could do this better than me?"--- what foolishness --- I need prayer and reminders that I will truly believe that it is Him and not me who brings about God's will. . . I am only a vessel to be used (thanks megg, for slapping me with this reminder). I must learn to trust that God brought me to this point after training me in the skills I need so that HE, NOT me, could produce justice. This is a new kind of trust to me. Now, it's more personal- now He wants "my" work.
